Mortification of the Flesh

RantWoman has gone to camp ALL weekend. Camp featured wonderful huge trees, fascinating people talking about fascinating things at every turn, and much, much that is still fermenting.

RantWoman had a truly wonderful time--despite some intervals so BORING that one commentator, NOT RantWoman, used the phrase "human rights violation!" Alas, now RantWoman is back home trying to catch up with thoughts on her mind while also dancing with all the other commitments she put on hold to go off to camp. RantWoman is debating how much to identify through tagging, how much to emit into the dangers and temptations of blogging, and how much she actually cares about maybe getting to the swells of thinking and other rushes of questions about the mechanics of electronic media. In the meantime, RantWoman would not be RantWoman without grumbles, gripes, and general grouches.

Consider physical amenities, as addressed by the following hypothetical customer service communication:

Dear Campers of the week,
We understand that you are not heavy into the liturgical calendar, but since you are visiting us during Lent, we have a special mortification of the flesh package for your consideration.


To assist us in fitting you into our lodging scheme, we invite you to choose from the following choices regarding accommodations:

Entryway:
__I would like a simple entryway with perhaps one step.
__Never mind that I see badly and feel self-conscious about so far being allergic to the one true religion as far as mobility training, please give me the place with the deck, three sets of steps up and a weird dropoff. (No surcharge applies).

Bed
__I would be delighted to have a double bed with a trough the size of the Grand Canyon down the middle
__Sleeping on a top bunk makes me really excited
__To heck with the top bunk. I am sleeping on a mattress on the floor.


Heat:
__I would enjoy sweltering in a room with the thermostat down the hall. *(surcharge applies)
__I would enjoy a room heater that sounds like a jet taking off every time it kicks on even if set at the lowest level possible. (No surcharge applies)


Roommate Selection: Time zone
__I would perform embarrassing rituals of adulation if you book me a roommate from the same time zone.
__Please ensure that I am ensconced with the most wacked out case of jet lag attending the event.
__A 3-hour time difference with my roommate would be just fabulous because neither of us needs to get any sleep anyway and I really really need to try to sleep through roomie's early morning cellphone chats with her sweetie at home.

Roommate Selection: Snoring
__Snore and dang proud of it.
__Snoring? Who me?

Roommate Selection: temperature preference
__I am from a tropical climate and am already freezing even though the indoor temperature is in the 60's
__I am a raving fresh air freak who still opens the window and adds blankets even when the outdoor temperature would keep polar bears happy

Restrooms:
__I would grovel to be in the same building with a restroom / shower. (surcharge applies)
__I would have spasms of inexplicable ecstasy if my sleeping space is down a dark and twisty muddy path to a restroom.

Mold:
__Just because there is moss all over the roofs of all our buildings we cannot guarantee good mold spore levels, but odds are pretty good. (No extra charge)

Pre-Arrangement:
__Please feel free to forward my email address to roomie so we can work out details in advance.
__Sign me up for the Wake up and see who you are sleeping with option.

Wi-fi
__Forget anything I said about the above. I will turn into a blubbering idiot with gratitude if there is free Wi-fi.


Food and Dining:
__We will provide tasty, fresh delightful meals but the price will make you faint.
__We will offer between meal supplements from the cookies, nachoes in scary orange sauce and ice cream with gut-wrenching fake fat food groups. (no extra charge)