Packing Groceries Like a Guy

A central aspect of a creature's adaptation to its environment is the acquisition of food. RantWoman is no exception to this rule. If this were a nature movie, there would NOT follow images of RantWoman chasing down giant beasts and chomping into them still warm and bleeding on the ground.


What would follow instead would be images of RantWoman, Rantwoman shopping list items like bananas, oat bran, cat food, yogurt, cilantro, shallots, organic carrots, yams, broccoli, canned goods, various fruits, juices, breads condiments, frozen foods, etc. There would be a generous supply of canvas shopping bags handy inside RantWoman's purple hold everything bag, oh and conversations with checkstand help about how to pack groceries.


Here are RantWoman's basic criteria for grocery-packing success:

--RantWoman knows from long and bitter experience that grocery packing help CANNOT be relied on to do simple things like put cans and bottles, bags of flour or sugar, basically things that will add structure to the bag and hold up if other things are on top of them into the bottom of the bags. RantWoman does her best to fight the endless tides of ignorance by carefully staging her groceries as she places them onto the conveyor. Rant Woman is TRYING to help the crew get it right and half the time the crew thinks they know better. They do not. The odds of a particular staffperson NOT knowing better increase dramatically if the checker is male. RantWoman notes this with a tart "correlation does not equal causation."


--Just give RantWoman the bananas. Ditto for the avocadoes. RantWoman has numerous methods to forestall the creation of guacamole and smoothies on the way home. More to the point, if RantWoman screws up and dings her bananas, she knows she has only herself to blame and will waste no time cursing hapless grocery clerks.


--If RantWoman gives you what seems like a preposterous number of bags, please distribute the groceries equally among all of them. RantWoman is usually either walking or taking the bus or some combination to get home. Distributing the weight in several bags gives RantWoman more choices about portage without back pain and RantWoman will typically adjust the load several times during a short walk home.


--Hot things should go either with other hot things or with things that would insulate them. Ditto for cold things.


RantWoman did not even buy bananas on this shopping trip.
RantWoman did not buy bananas and one of the checkers she always used to chat up seems to have gotten a promotion to the day shift. RantWoman still managed to have adventures checking out at the grocery store.

Bag 1: almost everything RantWoman bought including milk, eggs, organic carrots, fruit juices, cream chees, bread, one avocado

Bag 2: the big tray of raw chicken thighs, a second avocado, and something else.

Bag 3. 8 points. Yes, PLEASE. The roast chicken is hot. Putting it in my third bag would be terrific. Yeah sure, putting the loaf of bread in on top will help insulate the chicken, and it's even about the same shape as the chicken package. Apparently equal distribution of weight is too much to ask though.

RantWoman thanks this grocery store for LOVELY tactile Point of sale devices. RantWoman punched the required buttons and did not pay attention to the avocadoes.

Alas, immediately after parting with some scarce cash, RantWoman had to stop outside the grocery queue and rearrange. RantWoman wonders whether she should demand a discount for doing half the checker's work for him. RantWoman pointedly put more sealed cold things with the cold chicken thighs. RantWoman found something stable and not temperature-sensitive to put in the same bag with the roast chicken. There. Success, at last. Homeward!