Strike Three

Baseball fans: this is not about baseball.

RantWoman makes part of her living shepherding texts across boundaries between one language and another. There is a certain global knowledge worker assembly line aspect about the market; the communication below vividly illustrates several issues. Caveat Emptor.

Below is an example of one of the more entertaining customer service interactions in RantWoman’s recent memory. RantWoman is responsible for all her own typographical lacunae. However, RantWoman is doing her best to reproduce the email as is. RantWoman has now gone three rounds with this individual. Perhaps this explains RantWoman’s urge to post the final reply.

From: (Potential Customer)
To: (RantWoman)

(First inquiry, nearly identical text, including typos below: Rate offered is pathetic. Deadline is unreasonable and RantWoman suspects would be more unreasonable if RantWoman pointed out a time difference. RantWoman does not quote until she reviews documents anyway. Inquiry mentions that document is for the UK market. RantWoman’s command of British is fitful and she usually does not attempt it, especially for the pathetic rate offered here. )

From: (RantWoman)
To: (Potential Customer)
Sent: Fri, Jan 14, 2011 9:42 am
Subject: Re: Translation needed from Russian to English

Dear (Potential Customer)

Thank you very much for this inquiry.

My schedule does not allow me time to respond to your request on short notice. Also, I translate into US English and honestly would recommend a translator well-versed in the UK variant.
I would be very happy though to consider future assignments.

Best regards
(RantWoman)
Seattle WA USA

From (Potential Customer)
To: (RantWoman)
Sent: Fri, Jan 14, 2011 10:04 am
Subject: Re[2]: Translation needed from Russian to English

Man! I got 10 replies and they all suggest the same. What is the freaking difference? For 20 years I translated to English and my proofreaders (Americans) always did their work and I never had any complaints. Governmental documents, medical reports, documents of all sorts, books, essays,screenplays...you name it.

Why now people bounce from a money offer because of some differences? God damn it!

All Britans will understand what is written! All Americans will try their best to accomodate. As long as you try your best - THEY JOB IS WELL DONE. Why this did not cross your mind?

No one is perfect! No translator is excellent! No one is secure of typos! What the hell is going on?!

People pay attention to the spelling errors in my profile, BUT THEY ARE BLIND TO MY REQUEST OF CONTACTING ME IN SKYPE. Please explain this! Please do! How come you did not see it? How come you only looked for mistakes?

Is this a matter of "Americans are stupid"? - what is quite a slogan everywhere in the world? Or this is your personal approach - to ignore someone's requests and then to point them at their mistakes? Huh? I lived in the States for 12 years and studied there. I saw it all! Please explain me your personal desire to correct me and to ignore what I requested. Please do!

Consider this assignment as, I gope you would, consider every assignment as THE LAST AND THE ONLY, and perhaps you will see more money than what you see now!

My reply is rather emotional. Man!
Nickname

From: (RantWoman)
To: (Potential Customer)
Sent: Fri, Jan 14, 2011 10:17 am
Subject: Re: Re[2]: Translation needed from Russian to English

Hi (Okay, sure the nickname)

Calm down, man. I am trying to keep my own nerves under control for things with nothing to do with your assignment. It strangely made me feel better to know someone else is having trouble holding things together. Breathe. Breathe, It will be okay!

I truly cannot schedule this assignment on the timeline you need and would be glad to look at future ones. Do not worry about typos in your email or that stuff: when I take on an assignment I do it with an eye to giving the customer my best effort and value for the time and money invested.

I do not HAVE Skype yet so please bear with email.
I look forward to hearing from you for another assignment.

Best regards
(RantWoman)

From: (Potential Customer)
To: (RantWoman)
Sent: Sat, Jan 15, 2011 6:48 am
Subject: Translation needed from Russian to English

I am resending this letter for the third time. It appears that over 10 Americans are too crazy over my request to adopt the text to the British audience. Let's ignore it. So, I rewrote the letter to ya'll. My rewriting is simple. I just removed the part about British readers and made some additions as to skype conversations and to prices. Please pay attention to what is sent.

Hello dear collegues!

My name is (Potential Customer) in short, two different cute nicknames.

I have been interpreting and translating for the past 20 years. Due to a succesfull marketing and, I guess, years of work, I need to add more translators to my team.

I need only native speakers of the English language. Sorry, "others" need not reply/apply. I might consider those immigrated to an English environment with the parents during early childhood.
Native speakers of the Russian language who believe they are fluent in the English language, if they moved to the UK or USA during adulthood, please do not reply/apply.

This is a very crucial part to read.

I expect you know that Russian translation agencies pay only peanuts. I am not a translation agency but a freelancer trying my best to charge my customers nearly USA and UK rates for translation. Then I might pay editors or translators about 60-70%% and keep the rest for my expenses. The majority of my website visitors scared of my prices and opt to use cheap and illiterate Russian agencies. Nevertheless, my level of work and years ofexpertise secure a certain clientelle for me. Those are the ones who appreciate quality. Please keep in mind, medical doctors in Russia make $400-500 a month. In Russia there is no such a thing as " a professional translator" because if you work only translating from dawn to dusk you will die from startvation.

Russian translators are paid (hideously) for a page of 250 words. You count it. It is below 1 cent per word. My prices are WELL over 10 times higher than those of the Russian agencies and it is very difficult for me to secure a customer. Having said this, and let me stress it, I offer (A PATHETIC RATE) AND THIS IS ALL I CAN offer. Those who do not see it - please open your eyes. I do not request anyone to sent me their rates - I do not care! I do not request you to tell me what you want - I do not care! I wrote whatI can - and you take it or leave it.

To learn about me please visit pages below:
…
Some pictures of me at work: (Why would RantWoman care?)
My skype is listed on the website. For the ones who will not see it there, here it isSkypeNAME. Let me stress that over 10 people replied in the email. Let me STRESS IT FOR THE ONES WHO CANNOT READ ENGLISH. All replies must be in slype ONLY! I hoe it is clear this time.
About my assignment.
Description: Volume - 17 pages.
Rate -Pathetic / source word.
Deadline - 4 days.
Topic - accounting, finances. Please note - I NEED CORRECT ENGLISH WITHOUT AN ATTACHEMENT TO MENTALITY OF A COUNTRY.
I have a steady workflow. Max rate I can pull is pathetic. On some occasions I run into a very thrifty client, and then I might offer something really pathetic.. I try my best to keep the rates at least on a "half-interesting level". I hope you understand that I incur all overhead expenses, such as advertizement and website maintainance and customer handling headaches too. Provided that the majority of you listed themselves here expecting to get money and doing nothing to get it, and, also, what I know, 90% of people listed in (online directory) never got a single assignment is over 2 years, I have reasons to believe most you must understand that I run a business.
I must be paid for running it. I must have the money to run the website (most of you do not have one), to promote it and to make it get high ranking so I get the assignments.

From the level of my customers I hope you will understand that highest quality of professionalism is a MUST.

Respectfully,
(potential customer)
PS. Skype is a MUST. I emphasize the word MUST. Should you not have it installed, install it. Should you not have a headset, buy it. I offer my assistance with difficult words along each project.
Of course, I will not charge you for my help. I need the two of us to yield the highest quality. After all, once we make it together, we are a team.
Please do not reply by email. Skype is a just. personal touch and, thus, personal conversation IS REQUIRED. I am not, once more, an agency, who just outsourcesjobs to whomever.

This letter might appear somewhat emotional. The 10 replies I got from people on this list made me emotional.

RantWoman is SO TEMPTED to reply:
Dear Potential Customer
RantWoman apologizes if having your solicitations plastered all over the internet makes you emotional. RantWoman has already told you she does not do Skype right now and also that she cannot schedule your job in the time interval you request. IF YOU SEND RANTWOMAN ANY MORE EMAIL ABOUT THIS ASSIGNMENT, RantWoman is going to SEND YOU A BILL at her hourly rate for editing for ALL your messages. RantWoman expects you can find cheaper therapy and / or appropriate medication closer to home.