The Lord of the Rings--with cupholders

The symphony?

The symphony chorale?

The Lord of the Rings movie?

The Key Arena?

All of this together, including your typical large venue concert search, redolent and carb-heavy snacks, beer, basically the whole sports arena drill?????

Ring. Ring. (RantMom) Hey RantWoman, do you want to go to the Lord of the Rings at Key Arena? RantMom has a line for free tickets.

Ummmm. ... Okay.

Arguably that was RantWoman's first mistake. RantWoman is kind of on the upper age edge of the Lord of the Rings demographic. RantWoman thinks there might be fans who are RantMom's age, but aside from the symphony, RantMom would not even think of demographics.

RantMom has never been to the Key Arena so she would be counting on RantWoman for "guide dog" service as far as buses. Woof. Woof. When RantMom is going someplace new, she has a tendency to get to meeting places preposterously early so that for instance RantWoman occasionally feels guilty for simply showing up on time.This time RantMom was good humored and we were travelling at the tail end of rush hour so we decided just to make the best of it as we met at our first bus connection.

RantWoman long ago had a get paid to go to rock concerts job that occasionally took her to the Key Arena, but apparently that was a couple remodels ago. RantWoman definitely approves of the current look. The odor of cinnamon snacks is also a big improvement over the pervasive odor of sweat and dust RantWoman remembers from previous visits. RantWoman forgot to warn RantMom there might be a search but RantMom has flown recently and probably was toting less of interest than RantWoman.

As far as cult experiences, RantWoman might more pair the cinnamon snacks with, say, Dune than the Lord of the Rings, but RantWoman and RantMon were aiming for a budget night out anyway. Good thing we skipped the snacks for other reasons though.

RantMom probably did not reckon with the topography of he average sports arena. They certainly have sports arenas in Montana where RantMOm moved from, but it does not necessarily enter RantMom's head to think about steps in advance. RantWoman is grateful that RantMom scored seats only a couple rows and hence just a few steps down from the level where we entered. RantWoman does not exactly qualify as a gazelle herself. Plus RantWoman feels obliged to fret on RantMom's behalf about too many sports arena steps.

We reached our seats without incident. Then there is the matter of cupholders. RantWoman is not even charmed by the IDEA of cupholders. Going to sports events is, RantWoman remembers reading, associated actually with relatively good fitness and smaller waistlines than our nation's expanding trends. Just being able to walk blocks from parking or the bus stop certainly requires a certain amount of stamina and physical capacity. But why, once one arrives, does one need an extra attachment at the end of the arms of one's seat just to prop up one's beverage? Why cannot people just hold their own beverage?

What is worse though, if one has the temerity both to be less than svelte AND to visit a sports arena, is that immoveable cupholders present at least to the RantContingent, substantial risk of inadvertant disembowelment. RantWoman and RantMom both managed to get sat down. The Rant women are both taller than average for women but not taller than average for men. One of RantMom's knees immediately began hurting in the cramped row. The production started. The orchestra was not disagreeable but RantWoman, as might be expected, was not really getting much out of the movie visuals.

RantMom sometimes gets into spectacle. RantWoman and RantMom immediately began a back and forth "we can go whenever you are ready," but in view of RantMom's intermittent enthusiasm for spectacle, RantWoman opted to wait at least awhile. But by 45 minutes into the show, reality dawned. RantMom was miserable. If we stayed for the whole show, we would be bussing home at an hour where all our bus connections had half hour headway. Time to leave!

Time to try to stand up. Time to face the cupholders. Maybe the young flexible Lord of the Rings demographic gets out of arena chairs by springing straight up. The RantMom demographic though tends to lean forward and pull themselves up. The process can be sort of a marvel of biomechanics but there is NOTHING biomechanical about cupholders on either side plowing into major organ systems.

RantWoman and RantMom both managed to wriggle free of our cupholders without for instance amputating our livers. We made it back out into the night and had an enjoyable walk to our bus stop. RantMom even soaked up some more RantWoman narrative about what might be fun to visit if RantMom ever accidentally or on purpose finds herself in Lower Queen Anne in the daytime. But if RantMom never wants to go to the Key Arena again, blame the cupholders.