Confession: Black Bean Charcoal Experiment

DO NOT TRY THIS EXPERIMENT!!!


RantWoman, disaster preparedness advocate, usually scrupulous practitioner of fire safety, generally all around striver to be a good neighbor is mortified. Mortified!

RantWoman recently learned
--a really awesome way to make Black Bean Charcoal. What is Black Bean Charcoal? Why would anyone WANT Black Bean Charcoal anyway? When you figure out why anyone would want such a thing, just say RantWoman knows how to make it.

--a really awesome way to leave heat streaks in her favorite kitchen pot, complete with a slight drip of plastic beginning to melt off a handle.

--a really awesome way to fill her apartment, her floor, and RantWoman suspects a couple other floors of her building with foul-smelling smoke—but NOT to set off the fire alarm.

--a really awesome way to summon the fire department at least twice and RantWoman is a little afraid THREE times to one building without any capacity to do anything except note the problem of the really foul-smelling smoke. RantWoman already said she is mortified. RantWoman HOPES she is not theonly reason the Fire department had to come to her building, but RantWoman admits to a strange frame of reference. The fire department comes to RantWoman’s building frequently because RantWoman has lots of neighbors who are prone to medical emergencies. Even though the fire department came multiple times the day of RantWoman’s inadvertent science experiment, it would still be a good day for a lot of RantWoman’s neighbors if the reason was only foul-smelling smoke and not someone’s medical emergency. RantWoman in no way means to discount the kinds of emergencies that arise from being around too much foul-smelling smoke. RantWoman is sufficiently mortified even if the Fire Department came only once on her account.

What exactly WAS RantWoman’s science experiment?

RantWoman likes to cook dried beans by hot soaking them. RantWoman puts her beans and soaking water in a pan, brings it to a boil, turns the pot off, comes back later, brings it to a boil and turns it off again. RantWoman will repeat this cycle several times over a couple days so that when she gets ready actually to cook the beans, it takes much less time than if RantWoman were chained to her stove for hours. RantWoman finds this easy because RantWoman tends also to be heating water in her kettle for tea at the times she is bringing water to a boil. RantWoman likes having a certain amount of moisture in the air, especially in the wintertime. RantWoman frequently turns both burners off when she pours the water for tea. RantWoman likes to THINK she remembers to check her burners before going out. Plus, RantWoman tends to throw garlic or lime or something fragrant into the pot so she SHOULD be able to smell if something is still simmering when she leaves.

Blame plugged sinuses. Blame inattention. RantWoman has no idea WHAT to blame for her inattention the day of her experiment. The burner did not get turned off. RantWoman left her apartment about 1 pm. RantWoman got back about 9 pm. For part of this time RantWoman was in another building nearby which is why she knows the fire department came. Then RantWoman left and came back several hours later. The fire department was wandering the halls when RantWoman returned and got off the elevator. Even worse, the foul-smelling smoke was NOT getting less obvious as RantWoman walked toward her apartment hear the end of the hall.

Sure enough. As soon as RantWoman opened the door, she was accosted by foul-smelling smoke. She looked over at the stove and even RantWoman could see that the burner on light was orange. URK!!!!!

RantWoman turned off the burner. When it cooled, RantWoman checked its connections: no sign of heat damage, yeah!

The pot was another problem. RantWoman should probably be grateful that the pot maintained structural integrity; RantWoman does not even remember using a potholder to open the pot. What had previously been a pot full of water and soaking beans had turned into about an inch of really awesome black bean charcoal. Bear in mind, RantWoman is the sort of geek who can turn a spell of dishwashing into thin film experiments with soap bubbles, but “awesome black bean charcoal” is over the top, even for RantWoman. RantWoman feels REALLY, REALLY, REALLY lucky nothing any worse happened. RantWoman is plenty rattled, chagrined, mortified.

After RantWoman calms down and figures out how to scrub black bean charcoal smoke off some walls, RantWoman is going to see whether her pot is of any further use to science. Maybe RantWoman will also think harder about getting a pressure cooker to help her cook her beans more speedily.