Dear beloved Telecomm Provider

The Cliff Notes version: RantWoman has multiple complaints about billing and customer service practices as well as performance for the main telecomm provider in her household. RantWoman is not naming the provider, although its identity should be obvious to some readers. This omission is not really squeamishness toward any particular brand, but RantWoman also writes of several issues facing many customers and telecomm providers.

 

 

Late at night:

 

Dear Beloved Telecomm Provider

 

(Beloved? Seriously? RantWoman, you are about to unleash a blizzard of complaints about customer service and technical performance and you are using the word “beloved?”

Think of it as one pathetic RantWoman longtime customer attempt to suck up, at least a little bit.)

 

 

Thank you for the robocall the other morning. RantWoman had something on the stove and could not interact. Could you maybe possibly just have left RantWoman a message? It is TRUE that RantWoman does not interact enthusiastically either with things in print or with oceans of text on your website, so an automated voice mail IS worth a try. But RantWoman draws the line at flirting with kitchen fires. A human could be asked to call back. A robocall could try again later in the day.

 

Thank you so much for what looks to RantWoman like a forced upgrade in monthly fees. RantWoman suspects that interaction with a human is going to be necessary regardless. Awhile ago RantWoman’s total relic of a DSL modem sputtered off into the technological archeology sunset. At that point, RantWoman was forced to upgrade to a high-speed modem. RantWoman does not mind better service but RantWoman sort of resents also having to pay more for service. If high-speed modems are state of the art, RantWoman is so not charmed to have state of the art come with what looks like a substantial increase in monthly service costs. RantWoman HOPES that interacting with a human can resolve this, but in the wee hours of the morning, unable to connect to the internet, ranting at the keyboard while steam rises from ears, RantWoman definitely wants to note irritation!

 

Thank you so much for the cheery voice on your customer service line. RantWoman called at 1:30 am because she was unable to connect to the internet. Past experience is that sometimes there has been a human available to do some technical intervention beyond the basic troubleshooting RantWoman knows. But listening to your automated customer service line refer to your website when RantWoman cannot connect to the internet is such a kind touch, a real laugh riot. RantWoman is rolling on the floor.

 

Thank you so much for the email which came to RantWoman’s cellphone almost as soon as RanttWoman disconnected from your tech support line. The email informed RantWoman that her service has been suspended. NO RantWoman does not want to interact with this issue by cellphone. RantWoman wants a HUMAN. RantWoman will call during business hours. RantWoman thanks you so much for this opportunity to complain about your billing practices and customer service!

 

(Sleep, nearly ALWAYS a good idea anyway. Morning stretches. Morning oatmeal.)

 

Dear Customer Service, using the word “service” with great caution,

 

Thank you for two different human voices telling me that you cannot restore my service until I come up with $xx.xx in past due balance. Please take note of the two digit amount of the past due balance. About 50% of RantWoman’s usual monthly fee. Please take particular note because RantWoman is considering the option of sending you a bill for free consulting about customer service practices.

 

Thank you for not absorbing the point that even if RantWoman can move money around and come up with money to pay the amount at issue, RantWoman is unwilling to do this by mobile phone, partly for accessibility reasons. RantWoman apologizes for depriving you of the full RantWoman customer service experience. RantWoman failed to burst out laughing when considering the need to connect to the internet to do basic banking to come up with the amount. RantWoman will now add these step to all the other stuff she is trying to do at work.

 

Thank you for reviewing RantWoman’s account, telling RantWoman that there are late fees from a missed payment. Look, ya know, things happen. RantWoman does not remember what might have happened in the month mentioned, but things happen. One reason RantWoman does not just let every biller she has claw money out of her bank account on fixed schedules is because things happen. Recently RantWoman was in a conversation with people more solidly resident in the middle class than RantWoman and several of them mentioned “things happen” issues too. Things happen!

 

Thank you for not even being willing to talk about a payment arrangement for the past due amount. RantWoman did not bring it up, but it’s POSSIBLE that if you had, RantWoman would not have felt called to go on at length about every single issue arising from this customer service experience.

 

Thank you for telling RantWoman what the new monthly fee is supposed to be, a number RantWoman is not crazy about but considers possible to live with—IF there is good customer service AND the internet speed performs as advertised.

 

Thank you for jogging RantWoman’s memory: RantWoman’s last laptop suffered it’s third hard drive crash sometime early in the year, shortly after RantWoman upgraded her relic of a modem. RantWoman took note of the impending demise of XP and the need to upgrade various accessibility software. RantWoman assembled resources, bit the bullet and got a new laptop. This took several months during which RantWoman was paying for high speed service but not using it.

 

--How many fees would you have charged RantWoman to suspend internet service while RantWoman was not using it?

 

--Do you realize that you probably should be grateful that RantWoman really LIKES still having a land line? RantWoman LIKES having a land line, among other things because it takes messages and handles at least some of the interruptions RantWoman would otherwise have to deal with when the mobile phone cannot conveniently help deal with calls.

 

-- RantWoman considers herself lucky to be able to lurk at a workplace for supplemental connectivity but really likes keeping boundaries between personal and work matters. Can you imagine why RantWoman might not be thrilled to hear that, if she can use work time to do needed online banking and make a payment she finds objectionable anyway, she will still have to call back in, that it might take from 2-24 hours, AND that RantWoman MIGHT also get charged a fee to restore her service????

 

--Can you imagine how RantWoman might also not be charmed by one phone voice’s suggestion about some payment options that sound like non-bank options. RantWoman is familiar enough with the ways people on the bus informally cover each other’s gaps in money and housing to appreciate that maybe this meets some customers’ needs, and still RantWoman rebels. For one thing RantWoman hopes not even to have to get ON the bus to resolve this problem.

 

--RantWoman apologizes for not calling to complain too: after RantWoman got her new laptop and downloaded a bunch of software and dealt with the wait for various needed CD’s, the internet speed at times was, cough, halting, despite the new modem and the enhanced billing. Your company deserved the opportunity to address technical issues and RantWoman apologizes for depriving you of this.

 

Thank you for not being able to tell RantWoman why the amount of the bill fluctuates from month to month when the service RantWoman is buying does not change and RantWoman does not think the taxes and fees should change either.

 

Thank you for the opportunity, while being transferred between voices, to listen to hold messages trying to sell RantWoman, cheerily telling me about several speed options, and then, AGAIN suggesting that for faster customer service RantWoman should try the website she cannot connect because you completely suspended RantWoman’s internet service.

 

Thank you for IMMEDIATE attention to a request to move RantWoman’s billing cycle so that the window RantWoman has to pay her bill overlaps with the date where RantWoman most consistently has funds.

 

Thank you for prompt attention to the other concerns listed here.

 

Sincerely,

 

RantWoman