A Cat Cat

Tax season is just around the corner and RantWoman is grappling with an important question: is the Feline Staff a tax deduction, and if so, is RantWoman going to have to issue her a 1099? And which categories does RantWoman get to put vet bill, license, food, supplies in.

The current Feline Staff came into RantWoman's life last summer after a long sad spell when RantWoman had no feline staff. Feline Staff is all black. She does not meow piteously enough to cause RantWoman to think she is part Siamese. She seems like a pretty ordinary domestic shorthair, basically a cat cat. This feline staff performs a number of vital office functions:

--Desk administration. Readers who imagine that RantWoman's desk may be a mess with help from Feline Staff are not required to imagine how much worse the desk might look without a cat in charge of papers, piles, pencils, cords, equipment, and miscellaneous paraphrenalia.

--Lowering of RantWoman's blood pressure. RantWoman admits if she engaged in less opinionated and vituperative recreational blood pressure elevation, she might need less furry critter therapy to manage, but that is a separate problem. This pet function is well-documented though RantWoman has demurred about demanding any kind of doctor's certification of this point.

--Supervision and enforcement of a slightly more reasonable sleep schedule than RantWoman would manage on her own. If RantWoman wanders too far into the dynamics of this subject, the Feline Staff is also going to need to be registered and bonded as a caregive or something. Enough said.

--To hear the Feline Staff tell it, there is some danger the RantWoman home office could be overrun by pigeons. The hateful fowl repeatedly insist on landing on RantWoman's outdoor window ledge and Feline Staff invariably assumes a hunting pose on RantWoman's desk and begins chirping with great upset. RantWoman has not really explained that she has lived in current abode longer than feline staff and so far never had a problem with indoor pigeons. On the contrary, Feline Staff has trained RantWoman always to praise feline staff for her vigilance and frustrated hunting prowess.

--Treating RantWoman's mouse hand and the electronic rodent like an excellent game, no matter how desparately RantWoman thinks she MUST get something or other done. In other words, trying to force RantWoman to keep things in perspective.

--Crawling up onto RantWoman's chest and demanding to be petted. The very fact that any other co-worker who did such a thing would generate a massive sexual harassment complaint or something is more than enough reason to be quite indulgent in this area! Hear that Mr. and Ms. revenooers?